When I think of the silent seasons, the restlessness of waiting and longing to hear from God, my mind goes back to the Brooke Fraser lyrics,
"When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray
And I want you more than i want to live another day
And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful."
Sometimes I'll just sing that over myself until I start to believe it.
Through the silence I have found it's about the decision to plant yourself in Christ no matter the season, rather than focusing on what you are feeling and hearing from Christ.
Don't get me wrong, I hate the silence, it causes me to pause and question things I've tried to avoid, to look at things I've tried to cover up. But maybe that's why we go through seasons of silence, maybe when we stop and wait, it causes us to struggle with, to reflect, to question, but just maybe it's also making us grow.
"Through the silence I have found it's about the decision to plant yourself in Christ."
Sometimes it's a verse, a feeling or a nudge in the other direction. Sometimes God shows you a passage in a new way or you get prayed for on the alter.
But sometimes, it's one word and you're too busy waiting for the breakthrough, the sign, the tears and big flashing lights to tell you what God already said with just one word.
Don't wait for the Sunday service for the breakthrough, many times I have spent the week carrying something till Sunday when it could've been dealt with in the moment it happened. However when I look back I have found some of my most impacting breakthroughs have happened when I was by myself.
I remember when I was about 15 years old, I traveled to a place I'd never been, without anyone I really knew, only to find it wasn't what I expected.
Up until that point I had always heard from God through my family, what my church preached and what I talked about with my friends but suddenly that was all ripped away. I was in a foreign country where the native language wasn't English and I was hurt by the people who were supposed to keep me safe.
But for the first time is my life there was no one in the middle of Christ and I, He was the only person I could turn to. I met God the comforter that trip, God the healer and defender.
God hadn't changed but I stopped relying on the relationship others had with Him and waited to hear His voice directly.
"Don't wait until the Sunday service for the breakthrough."
Have you ever pretended to give something over to God? When he speaks have you told Him "All I want is you, I give you my life, your ways not my ways, you are the potter I am the clay," but deep down you know you really mean everything but that small piece you want to keep for yourself? I have.
It takes courage to surrender, to lay it all out, the good and the ugly and say "have your way."
But why? He is perfect and outside of time, He is a good father and wants to the best for us. So why do we find it so hard to let go?
For me, I would guess two things. Fear and pride. Neither a good choice to govern your decisions.
It may take courage and boldness to surrender when God speaks but as someone who has recently surrendered a few things I can tell you there is nothing like the freedom that it brings.
Rachelle Baker, a C3 College 3rd Year vocals student, waiting & eager for God to Spêak.